Supercollider

You crowned with Radiohead’s Supercollider. You entered the world to The Black Heart Procession’s, It’s a Crime I never told you about the Diamonds in Your Eyes at 10:38pm on December 19, 2011.  You were welcomed into this world into a pool of warm water and through a circle of support.  You cried right away.  I was amazed.  I couldn’t believe we’d done it. You had made your way into my arms finally, and I helped you along.  My body did all the right things, and yours pushed through to our dimension.  Welcome, our angel baby. 

You like to hold my finger while you sleep. You make a scrunchy face when you are pooping.  You have little baby smiles when you are sleeping.  I call you the Milk Monster because you love to chow down on some milk.  You fall asleep on my chest and it is the best feeling in the world.  The weight of you, the pounds of you breathing and gurgling and warming me, I can’t get enough.  You smell heavenly.  

This is a love like no other. 

You waited an extra 2 weeks to make your appearance.  You stayed inside, cozy, getting plump, and strong.  By December 19, my body was finally ready to help you come out.  And, all the better for the time spent inside, my labor was so manageable that I didn’t believe I was really in active labor until my water broke at 6:10pm.  Things started moving more quickly then, and it’s really all a blur.  I don’t remember timing of anything after this point.  We called our doula, Andrea and we spoke to Hillary our midwife on the phone and she listened to my contractions.  Andrea and Nick helped me cope, and got the pool ready, and stayed in communication with Hillary.  Nick was timing contractions and time between them.  I never reached 4 minutes between contractions, they were always closer and shorter.  As soon as they got to almost a minute long, they were already just a few minutes apart.  When Hillary and Casey arrived a little later, I was 8 centimeters dilated.  There was some finagling getting the temperature in the pool ready, some boiling of water on the stove.  It’s all really hazy, I was in a zone, working through the waves and breathing.  I got in the water soon after and the contractions became so much more manageable.  I loved being in the water.  I am so happy that Nolan is a water baby. 

Soon, I was pushing.  I think I pushed for an hour, according to some records sheets that we have, but I have no recollection of the time. There was a time at the very end, where I said “I can’t do it”, and everyone just said, “yes you can, you have to, the baby’s right here” and he came out. 

The overwhelming feeling was trust in each person that was there.  I had to let the brain part of myself go, let my body take over, and I had to really trust what each person was telling me.  I did what they told me to do, without thinking about it.  I think that’s why everything worked so well, my brain got out of the way. 

At 10:38 pm, with a push that stretched my strength further than I though I could, Nolan Aubrey Grutz made his way into the world and our lives were changed forever.  A true supercollider. 

He is 9 pounds, 7 ounces and 21 inches long and perfect for us in every way. 

ps- Nick has been amazing through this journey.  It needs to be said.  Thanks love. 

Here is a little photo stream of the past few days with Nolan. 

My two boys. 

I don't want this time to end. 

Nolan meets Nana, his great grandmother.  So special. 

I'm pretty cool with my cloth diapers.  Mom still needs to figure out how to fold them right though....

This hat reminds me of "In the Night Kitchen," anyone? 

Lovebug.