I continue to feel like I need to apologize for my lackluster blog writing schedule these days, the truth is, teaching is all encompassing right now, and my tired, hormonal, physically limited body is less than apt to write at the end of a night than to eat a bowl of ice cream and go to bed early. Those are the things I've been doing a lot of: sleeping and eating. I guess it's supposed to go that way.
At 35 weeks and a few days along now, we are heading in the direction of having a baby soon! Babies are considered full term at 37 weeks, and could be born any time between 37, and feasibly 42 weeks. The notion that we could be 2 weeks away from having a baby in our apartment is elicits simultaneous emotions of exciting and terrifying. The societal pressure to have "things" a certain way has been overwhelming, to say the least. Nick has been great about the pressure, I have caved in every way. I feel like an unfit person to be a mother because our "nursery" is not a nursery, but a room with baby things in it. It's such a conundrum for me because the baby will surely be in our room for the first many months (my lovely, early college graduate sister is planning on staying with us and doing childcare March-June, when I have to go back to work), and the "baby room/ nursery" will most definitely be a guest room for her at that time. So shouldn't we just make the baby room a guest room right now? My practical and loving husband is resistant, and wants to wait and see how everything goes. So, at this time, it's a room with a changing table and baskets for baby clothes and things (which will go in our room as soon as the baby is born), and a table of supplies for our home birth (more on that later), and a few boxes of hand me downs from Nick's sister, which we have yet to put together. My sewing machine sits in there as well, quietly gathering dust and adding character. I did put up a curtain, which makes the room feel more relaxing and sweet. That is one touch I am proud of.
This week, our goal is to find some sort of glider/ rocker that I can sit comfortably in, and rock a little baby, that will be here soon!
On a complete side note: my other life, the one that is taking up all of my time: my classroom and kids, continues to encourage all kinds of personal growth. My ability to empathize with the unknown has shifted. This week, a student brought a highly inappropriate magazine into the classroom, and proceeded to read it during silent reading time. It was "Vibe," and on the cover was a rapper, dressed and exuding a less than role model status air. The content was not appropriate for 4th graders. Anyhow, the magazine, after I requested that the student put it away, somehow got passed secretly to another illustrious student, who continued to try and read it under her desk. I wasn't angry that they were curious about this world, it just couldn't be read in our classroom under the guise of independent reading level choices. I confiscated the magazine, and after school the student came back to the class, his sister happened to come with him, to request the magazine back. I had a brief discussion with them, and it turns out that they got the magazine from the hospital, from the pile of free magazines in the rooms. "Why were you at the hospital?" Candidly, with no emotion, "My dad got shot." Upon probing, "he and my uncle were going to buy food for us, and they both got shot. My dad in the waist, and my uncle in the leg. My mom is begging God and said that if my dad gets better, we will go to church from now on." I think the student missed one day last week, but has been in school since.
The lives kids lead today is so far from the life I grew up in. Violence is commonplace and their emotional needs are far from met. How can learning to write a persuasive essay or find perimeter seem important to a 4th grader who is dealing with life and death on the way to the store? What I don't know is enough to help me offer support and empathy for each child in my class, their lives are maybe more turbulent than I will ever know.
