Family of four, getting used to it

So this is how it's done... Oh there I go again, looking for absolutes and regularity and patterns in the habits of an infant and a 20 month old.  The realization that nothing is for sure, ever, and that this state of flux is going to last for years is something that I'm learning slowly.  It's more of what works today, and whatever that is, it probably won't work for tomorrow.

Poor Nolan has been having quite a time of it, I imagine its because he's too young to understand the duality of his emotions. Loving on and kissing Frances' head, and wanting mama, "hold you mama" simultaneously. We are getting to know a new babysitter (his first regular one) that is play with Nolan dedicated and will come twice a week in the afternoons.  We also carve out Nolan and mom time for books and nap and bath each night. We are working on doing things with him while holding baby girl, so that it doesn't feel like we are hands off whenever we're with her. But it's a lot for the guy! He is teary eyed a lot, and wants to be close to us, sometimes opting to stay home with me rather than go outside.  Yesterday he refused to nap in his own bed, and instead wanted to sleep and nurse in the bed I've been sleeping in, next to Frances' bed. It is so hard to witness his sadness and be a little helpless, knowing that her needs are really important now. 

My sweet boy taking "pictas with mama."

Brother meets sister for the first time.

Aunt Gretchen and cousin Avy came for a weekend visit- heaven for Noley.

Watching baby "nursh."

Me overusing the words "gentle touch"... Nolan has perfected the head rub.

Arnie has to learn too.

Dad's baby magic.

The return of kicky pants! (Favorite baby clothes)

Snoozer.

And this is where we are now, this handy phone I got makes it possible to update with a sleeping baby, though the formatting is funny.  And she's up!

Day 6 gratitude

So it may be the smile dimple only in your right cheek, or the way your big brother can't say "fr" sound so when he says your name it sounds like a very soft "Dances", or the sweet dream faces you make when your eyelids are twitching. Or the way your head smells, like life and hope and love rolled in heavy cream. You are here, and you are our girl.  As your Oma said, Frances, it was you all along.

Grutz says, "Oh! Baby, oh!" or "Parenthood is such a wonderful gi-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Time: something we are lacking around here.

I would enjoy explaining all the wonderful miracles and insights I've experienced the last couple of days, but I ain't got the time!  Here you go. For now.  Love to everyone.

Good morning, Frances!

Oh, Frances, don't be uncouth. 

Wonderful Aunt Peggy and Nolan.

Grutz says, "IT'S A GIRL!"

Frances Ingrid Grutz was born at home at 9:31 am on 8/17.  She came in at a whopping 8 lbs, 10 oz and 20 inches.  She's doing well and so is Mom.  Nolan has been great and we are blessed to have such great friends (Paul and Laura) and family (Aunt Peggy) to help out.  We're all pretty worn out, but we're all doing well.

So this is it

It's the beginning of the end of the waiting and anticipation.  I am scared that after I have this baby, I won't have anything else to say or talk about.  This past week has been all about enjoying the time, and trying not to worry too much about what's going on inside of me, seriously, I should play the lottery, 2 babies all the way to 42 weeks?  Does that happen ever?  I feel like things are changing inside of me, but it's so irregular, and I haven't had any real contractions.  On Monday I was 4 cm dilated, so I imagine at this point I am a little bit more?  I've had several non stress tests, and an ultrasound on Wednesday to check for fluid and movement and everything looks fine (quelling any unspoken fears of my family members :).  Walking or standing really increases the pressure feelings, and sometimes the "tightenings," but honestly no contractions.  I keep wondering if this is just my bodies way, maybe I'll keep dilating without contractions and suddenly I'll be ready to have the baby.  How nice, if only my body was on the same schedule as the rest of the concerned baby birthing world.  Today is 42 weeks, and because everything seems fine, our midwives are letting me go until tomorrow, but that is it.  The course of action could include enema, castor oil, and breaking my waters, in that order maybe.  And The thing with the enema is that if it doesn't work to stir things up (or errr out) then I have to take the castor oil anyway.  Neither are a desirable option, given these memories of Nolan's castor oil induction I am fighting off.  And yes, all of these things we can still do at home, and the hope and desire is still to labor and birth at home, in the birthing pool.

I am getting acupuncture later today as a last try, though it didn't really help with Nolan's entry.


Nick took a bunch of pictures of me sitting by the lake yesterday, all in a continual state of trying to either sit or stand, moving slowly, you can almost see the process.

Our garden (Nick's other baby), has been producing for a while now, but these tomatoes are amazing.  I think the little ones are called "Moonglow," and we still have more coming.  These super mild August days might be slowing them down, which is fine with me because that means we get to enjoy them longer!  

And lastly, a few pics of my two boys, before we become a family of four very soon.!

Nick discovered a park nearby that has a TRAIN.   So awesome.

So this is going to be it from me for a while, I am taking a facebook and blog break.  So hopefully the next thing you hear from me will be good news.  Thanks for all the thoughts and support, we really appreciate it.  

Come on sweet baby! 

Grutz says, "Carleen says, 'Iowa people just really like each other.'" or "Everybody is just awaitin' and awaitin'."

Around the clock coverage of BabyWatch2013!

We're still waiting for the little one.  Everyone is doing well.  There's a little stress, it comes and goes, but the midwives have been checking on Carleen and all is just dandy.  I'll leave it to her to give specific details, if she wants to.  Frankly, if the baby goes to the end like Nolan did, there will be satisfaction in knowing that the baby will most definitely be born on that day, Friday, or possibly Saturday, if tomorrow's ultrasound shows all is good (apparently its a standard procedure for all moms when they're late.  A procedure the was accidentally overlooked by our midwives back with Nolan....hmmm..?).  But for now, the baby could come in 6 hours or 43 hours or 47 or 66, you get the idea.  Again, all is good and a big thanks in advance to all the family and friends who have offered and/or will be around to give a hand with Nolan when the time does...........ultimately............come.

Iowa Nice - Not just a funny youtube clip about Iowa*!

When Carleen went to the midwives today she found this tucked under the wipers:

Have a great day, indeed.

When life gets you down Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard or tough, and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft, and you've feel like you've had quite enooooooooooooough?  Just remember an Iowan will be there to help pick up your spirits.  Ah, all IS right in the world, huh?

*Here's that funny youtube clip about Iowa Nice, if you're in the mood.  And remember, it's NSFW....

41 weeks, less happy more frustrated vent

41 weeks, less happy more frustrated, I am starting to feel like I'll be pregnant forever, and that feeling that I never had the first time around, I want to be done.  I am vacillating between wanting nothing else but to lie on the couch and watch Orange is the New Black and thinking I should be doing something active to get things going.  I have this feeling in the back of my head that my bodies going to essentially "fail" me again, and not go into labor naturally, so nothing matters anyway.  The 6 dates a day since 38 weeks are going to be for naught, I just know it.  And then, I switch to the feeling of this baby needs to cook a little longer and thats fine, I can take the butt in the ribs difficulty breathing, insomnia and heartburn as a long as it takes little one.  Of course, and then there's Nolan, who is amazing.  He's been sleeping with Dad for some extra snuggles because I can't handle night nursing him anymore, and I also am sitting up in bed and peeing too many times for anyone to have a good nights rest.  He's been in a great mood the past few days, and yesterday slept for 3 1/2 hours in the afternoon.  This is a huge departure from the week before, when he was down to hour long naps and 5 am wake ups. It didn't last long enough to even call it a phase, but I am glad we are back to "normal" whatever that is.  This "normal" is going to be short lived, and a new normal will be joining us in 7 days or less.   That is something at least, this new love will be here within the week.  August 16th at the latest.  Our baby's birthday will be somewhere between August 9 and the 16th.  Kind of amazing.

This kind of venting makes me feel terrible, and of course I should just be grateful for the health of this child and my own and my families.  Which, I am, incredibly so.  I am just at that point where tears are a regular thing, and I am just done.

Here is the blur that keeps us moving all day long. 

Nick made us a beautiful little flower castle on our late afternoon beach sit yesterday.    I am so grateful for these days and time with these awesome boys. 

"Coming. Baby. Out. Momma."

Coming.  Baby.  Out.  Momma.

Nolan has announced this a few times in the past few days, and I woke up this morning thinking/ hoping, maybe this will be the last time I wear this yellow maternity shirt.  It's true I have some upset each day that the baby doesn't come, but mostly I am really loving the time with Nolan before he becomes one of two, and with my mom who's goes home tomorrow :( and Nick who is just as ready as me, if you can't tell from his tomfoolery blogs...  Here is some of what we've been up to.

40 weeks +1 day smile and beach

40 weeks + 1 day beach and belly

This is the scene around here lately.  Oma has both boys following her around at all times. 

Couch lounging has never been so good, especially since N and I don't fit together anymore...

The weather this week has been superb, aside from the rainy days, which were welcomed, we've really lucked out. 

I need a little more ice cream before bed.  Sleep tight! 

Grutz says, "HEY YOU GUYS!" or "THIS JUST IN!"

Baby update.

This is NOT our baby.  Our baby has NOT been born, yet.  (from IowaAlum)

No baby yet.  Heading to the beach.  I think Carleen needs MORE SPICY FOOD!

That is all.

Grutz says, "ATTENTION EVERYONE!!!!" or "HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!"

New baby update!

A large baby head.  That is all. (from flickr)

There is no new baby.  Due date has come and gone.  Carleen is doing well, a bit tired.  The weather has been nice and cool (by Chicago standards) and it's been great having Karen around to help, especially with Nolan.  We'll keep you posted.  Until then, we're just waiting to call the midwives.  No pun intended....ugh.