Friday, February 24
I am so imperfect. Today on the way to the pediatrician for Nolan's official 2 month checkup (he's now almost 10 weeks!) big clusters from the heavy snow we got last night fell from the trees right into his car seat, on his face, in the creases of fabric, all over really. And he cried, oh how he cried. And I climbed in next to him and got the chunks off, and tried to soothe him. I let him suck on my pinky finger for a few minutes until he stopped, but the tears on his little face, the sadness in his eyes, I wanted to fix it so badly. And I couldn't. I had to start the car, put it in gear, and make our way through the side streets to the highway. It took about 5 minutes for him to stop crying. Such a reminder of this too shall pass. All too quickly we found ourselves in a very similar situation. Nolan had to have his first ever shot today (not one, but three)... I held his hands and let him suck on my pinky again. His eyes got so big when the nurse gave him that first one. I felt like I was betraying him, telling him with my gaze that everything was ok, and that I loved him, and then letting the nurse give him those awful shots at the same time. Poor guy. The crying did not abate until I pulled him out of his car seat and nursed him in the back seat of our car.
And now, a few hours later we've just endured another crying storm. I've never not been able to soothe him with bouncing or nursing, today was the first. Angry, fists in the air, rigid body, red faced, wheezy crying fit: finally after swaddling and copious bouncing he is nursing/sleeping with only occasional starts. I pray this is a reaction to the vaccines and not a new thing. It hurts me physically to hear those screams, there's a part of me that shakes inside when he's hurting.
I guess this is the mothering instinct, wanting to shield my baby from hurt. I am grateful when I can, the lesson though is that I can't all the time.
I am so imperfect. Today on the way to the pediatrician for Nolan's official 2 month checkup (he's now almost 10 weeks!) big clusters from the heavy snow we got last night fell from the trees right into his car seat, on his face, in the creases of fabric, all over really. And he cried, oh how he cried. And I climbed in next to him and got the chunks off, and tried to soothe him. I let him suck on my pinky finger for a few minutes until he stopped, but the tears on his little face, the sadness in his eyes, I wanted to fix it so badly. And I couldn't. I had to start the car, put it in gear, and make our way through the side streets to the highway. It took about 5 minutes for him to stop crying. Such a reminder of this too shall pass. All too quickly we found ourselves in a very similar situation. Nolan had to have his first ever shot today (not one, but three)... I held his hands and let him suck on my pinky again. His eyes got so big when the nurse gave him that first one. I felt like I was betraying him, telling him with my gaze that everything was ok, and that I loved him, and then letting the nurse give him those awful shots at the same time. Poor guy. The crying did not abate until I pulled him out of his car seat and nursed him in the back seat of our car.
And now, a few hours later we've just endured another crying storm. I've never not been able to soothe him with bouncing or nursing, today was the first. Angry, fists in the air, rigid body, red faced, wheezy crying fit: finally after swaddling and copious bouncing he is nursing/sleeping with only occasional starts. I pray this is a reaction to the vaccines and not a new thing. It hurts me physically to hear those screams, there's a part of me that shakes inside when he's hurting.
I guess this is the mothering instinct, wanting to shield my baby from hurt. I am grateful when I can, the lesson though is that I can't all the time.
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| Thankfully, these faces only last a short time. |
2 comments:
I made Dave take Will for his first shots--I was a wienie... Hope you have tylenol at the ready. If you have it at the house, you won't need it! THAT'S preventive medicine!! : )
xoxox Auntie Jill
You are not imperfect Carleen, you are a very normal mom! I can tell you that this is not the last time you will feel guilty over something you did or didn't do - Welcome to motherhood my dear:)
Hope it helps to know I´ve felt the same way (lots of times!).
Luv Edda
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