Catching up and writing it down

April 6, 2012

Well the call of the open road is still there.  Every so often I get an urge to be somewhere out West, with our tent as temporary home, and the backdrop is a mountain at sunrise.  The time we spent traveling as a twosome was special and singular.  It will happen again, maybe when Nolan’s away at college. 

We’ve spent the past few days traveling and visiting in Cincinnati and Dubuque.  We left for Cincinnati on Saturday, enjoyed the weekend and Monday, Tuesday morning we headed back to Chicago and had a layover night at home for recharging and refueling and Wednesday we left for Dubuque.  It’s Friday and we are on the way back to Chicago for one night as just us, and then my sister moves in on Saturday.  It’s been a whirlwind time.  Nolan will have an Auntie Nanny, and Nick and I will be at work on Monday.  All of this is a lesson in flexibility.  

We had a stark return to an undesired reality as we were driving up to our apartment in Chicago.  Nick accidentally cut someone off, as there are a slew of stop signs on Roscoe Street, some 3 way stops, some 4 way stops.  He puts his hands up in the generally accepted “I’m sorry” gesture, and says it audibly as well.  On the narrow one way street, the other driver pulls up next to our car and yells repeatedly, “Watch your mouth, bitch!”  All signs point to gangbanger (stereotyping directly from his appearance and behavior); he has the tattoo tears on his face where real tears might go, and tattoos up the arms as well.  There are two or more people in the car, but I can’t say for sure.   Nick keeps saying, “I’m sorry,” and the guy and his cronies speeds off, ironically blowing through the next stop sign.  

Nolan and I were sitting in the back seat and I could feel my mother bear gearing up to protect him if I had too.  Mother bear is fierce when she’s called on.  Mothering is something that feels so natural most of the time, this instinct is amazing.  It makes me really wonder about all the tragedy that happens and how much of the behaviors around the shootings and crime essentially go against what I like to believe is the human instinct to be good and kind.  The worlds of depravity and have nots that surround crime and tragedy must be strong and magnetic enough to make null the good and kind override. 

It’s sad that there are so many neighborhoods in Chicago were this could have happened.  We are talking about a move (again) in July, apparently living across from a church and on the same street as two schools isn’t enough to avoid gang shootings and run ins with unsavory characters, and it’s feeling like the choices are so few when looking at affordability and safety.  And yet again, being away from Chicago makes us revisit thoughts of living elsewhere.  Big city living is on a continuum of extremes: the goods are great and the bads are terrible.  The in between, what makes life livable are just that, mediocre.  This is a familiar feeling, wondering if there is another city that is better for us, better for our baby.  Being a mom makes me want to give him everything that is best for him: green grass to feel under his feet, public school that I can believe in, parks without remote chances of crossfire, sidewalks safe for bicycles, and air that is good to breathe.  It was so refreshing to see a clear full moon last night, and to wake up to birdsongs and crisp, quiet air.  We go through this futile debate regularly.  Chicago has certain things that we hold incredibly dear: good friends, dance community, culture, possibility, current jobs that are needed, the lake, summers, city living, and our midwives, who I am dedicated to delivering our next baby, whenever that is.  And it has aspects that I am so tired of.  We know what they are, no need to list them.  Then there’s that alternative, elusive city.  We don’t know where we’d go if we weren’t in Chicago.  We’ve pretty much talked ourselves out of living in Dubuque or Cincinnati proper but don’t have any idea where it is that we want to be.  We’ve romanticized the unknown, but we don’t know where it is or how to bridge the polar opposites that Chicago offers.

This much is true, I want it all: barefoot children running in grass, good friends that meet me where I am, birdsongs in the morning, a home that feels safe, and dancing that feeds me artistically, physically, and intellectually.  The conversation continues, as does the present moment.  I can see Chicago in the distance, where we make our lives for now. 

April 9, 2012

And now for a dump of cuteness...

A few weeks ago Nolan had time with his baby friends.  And the Mommys got to hang out too.  I am so incredibly grateful to have friends going through the same things with me. 

Heads!

Here is a sweet moment with Daddy from when we were in Cincinnati. 

Sleeping baby in Cinci!

Gearing up for a walk in the Cincinnati sun with Mom. 

Hugs.

Smiles on the porch. 

Gramma time. 

Doing the airplane with Granpa. 

View from below. Check out the bubbles!

Snoozin'

Slightly awake...

Just pretending, definitely asleep. 

Who's a cool dude?

It was Easter Sunday, and Nolan got his toes in his mouth.  A number of times. Who needs the Easter Bunny when you've got toes?

FEET!

Aunt Julia has arrived. 

They are beautiful together. 

And smitten! 

of birthdays and growth

So, this happened.  

My birthday was March 14,  I'm over 2 weeks late in posting this!

My husband is not so good at flowers, or gifts, or cards, but he does know how to make me surprise smile when I'm least expecting it.  And those are the best kinds of smiles.   My birthday was kind of surpassed by having a baby and a husband with a killer sinus infection, but the night was made special by friends Laura and Tim who babysat for us, and we had our first dinner out since Nolan was born.  Laura brought over decadent desserts that we had together after dinner and Nolan was great.  It was so nice to go out and come home to a sleeping baby, no tears.  It is possible!

This pic I am including because of the hilarious angle, gigantifying my baby.  He's not really that big, but does enjoy this laid back, in charge of everything, sitting position all the time. 

This also happened...

What you are looking at are snapped windshield wipers. What you don't see is the bent antenna and the sand that was flung at the side of the car.  An act of vandalism, the windows weren't smashed, the bag of coins that we left on the floor for tolls was still full.  This simply hampers our driving in the city, and potentially might can our weekend plans.  Of course, our car is 12 years old, so replacement wipers are hard to come by, had to be ordered, and in this age of online tracking of packages, we can tell that they haven't been shipped yet.   It's not something I'd normally consider a deal breaker, but when you really think about it, it's not smart to go very far without wipers when there's even a chance of rain.  We're supposed to be going to Cincinnati tomorrow, and Dubuque later this week; here's hoping that the forecast is clear, and that the parts get shipped!




What I've also missed in my haze of returning to work and attempting to keep this apartment livable is Nolan's 3 month photo!  He crossed over the 3 month mark on March 19, check out his growth here:
growth comparison.  He is changing every day.  The next few photos I took around March 19.

I'm so BIG! And I can grab toys now!

But my hands are still the best entertainment. 

And I've been working hard at growing multiple chins. 

There are several more chins hiding in there. 

I like deep thinking.  And I'm a mind reader...

Getting ready to talk! 

We also discovered by accident that our baby loves to look at the spines of books.  He is enthralled.

I am sure someone will say something about the IOWA book at the left, yes, Nolan was staring right at it, as if it was calling him home (you're welcome Nick). 

Such intense gazing.

Also this week, Daddy tried out the Moby wrap, and loved it.  Nolan's not so sure in this shot, but facing out seems to be his favorite way of dog walking and general hanging around these days.

All this catching up, and I haven't mentioned my week back at work.  In short, it went really well.  I left with tears in my eyes each morning, but once I had 27 kid looking up at me expectantly, I couldn't worry too much about my baby at home. Of course he was with 2 awesome people, so that made it SO much easier.  I am ever grateful. The pumping on the other hand is so difficult on a school teachers schedule.  Currently, I am pumping in the car (battery pack) to and from work, and during my 15 minute lunch break. It stinks.   More on that later, Nolan's awake!

work luck

Wish me luck as I go back to work today, negotiating 27 kiddos, somehow pumping 3 times, and managing volatile emotional swings and separation anxiety from leaving this love bug....

Ways to be happy

Ways to be happy.

1. Get yourself a husband that crafts.

2. Bake an unknowingly huge batch of cupcakes.  I made 24 cupcakes and one round cake.  Come over for cake!  (The frosting is especially delicious).

3. Have a son who sleeps for (whispering)  7 hours in a row!!!!!  Let's not really talk about it because it might never happen again.

4. Be visited by a new baby and his wonderful momma.  Life is so precious.  These cute boys are just 9 weeks apart.  So much happens in a few short weeks.

5.  Let your baby sleep in your arms.  There's nothing like it in the world!

I am truly lucky these days!  And, I got to go to the Chicago contact jam yesterday, my body falls right back into it and relishes in the delight of really moving again.  So happy. 

doggie drama and car trips

This weekend we found out what happens when we leave dark chocolate kisses out. Enter Hyper Arnie, panicked me, diarrhea, black poops, and vomit in the car with lots of shiny hershey kisses wrappers.  And doggie detox.

Poor guy.  Really we are incredible lucky, and thankful for his iron stomach.  We talked with a super nice vet in Dubuque who told us that he should probably be ok, just a little weird as it works out of his system.  Of course I googled chocolate poison immediately and quickly freaked myself out with reading about toxicity and the half lives of theobrom whatever chemical.  Happily, it looks like everything will be ok with the pooch.  Maybe going through this harrowing experience (actually it wasn't harrowing for him, just for us for about 5 minutes), will calm him down and his aggression towards all things new will abate.  We can hope.

So Nolan endured his first long car ride this weekend.  We drove to Dubuque on Wednesday night, and while it wasn't terrible, there was a lot of crying, a lot of baby paper crinkling (if you don't know what this is check it out, it's been a lifesaver a number of times), and vitamin bottle shaking (he seems to like loud noisy things).  He slept for a little while, stared out a the fast moving lights, but was mostly fussy when he wasn't nursing or sleeping (we stopped once for a nurse).  We came back yesterday and this time we timed it a little better, and he slept for 3 hours! It was amazing.  He's been teaching me more about his sleep needs, and now I can predictably get him down for 2-3 hours in the early afternoon, and yesterday we learned that he will nap in the car for the same amount of time.  This makes so much more possible for us.  It's the simple things these days that get me happy!  I am foreseeing car trips and National Parks and family visits.  I may be getting a little ahead of myself here, but lately my craving for nature has picked up and I cannot wait to be outside and hiking in beauty again.  We have to figure out some way to make that happen soon.

And here we have a little montage I like to call my "Three Baldies", or as Nick said, "Three wise men"... Look at how Grampa Dan's expression changes, it was pretty cute seeing them all together and Nolan was beyond enthralled.

And what do we do on Saturday nights at home in Chicago? Why, take apart electrical pencil sharpeners of course?  What else? 

Nolan was just posing with Daddy, not really touching all those greasy parts :)  But he sure was enthralled with the shiny stuff!  And for your cuteness intake on Sunday morning, Nolan is hanging in his little chair.  This lasted about 5 minutes, but was awfully adorable.

And now I am going to go dance.  Finally,  I'll let you know how it goes.