Grutz says, "We've been traveling. And getting ready." or "Boy, time flies when you're getting ready for a homebirth."

Sacrificing bathing and sleeping for a photo update.
So here you go, chronologically.

TT came to town and Nolan was stoked!  He was really excited to hear all about Springfield!  Go Lincoln!

Grandma TT and Grandpa Jere enjoying the paintings.  Notice Mom and Dad NOT in the photo!  Yes, Carleen and I had some respite!

K-k-k-k-k-kissing beauties!

Life's always better with Oma!

You can take the boys out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boys.

Nolan's already working on his resentful teenage look.  Well.....!

Life's good, we're doing well.  Here's what's putting the shuffle in Nolan's step, other than bulldozers;

Villagers!

We'll keep you posted when another Grutz comes into the world.......

Sand slipping through fingers

This is the only time of year when finding grains of sand under my nails and in the creases of Nolan's toes does it elicit a smile and some nostalgia.  The visceral memories of little waves on my feet and sloppy wet sand piled on my legs and Nolan sitting in my lap in the tide pools are still lingering recent in my head.  We are just home from a week at the beach with my parents and Nana! I know I've missed a few weeks of our lives in this online forum, so this is going to be a reverse chronological post.

But first, remember last year at the beach....

Last year, at this time, we'd just announced that the belly I was growing indeed had a baby in it.  

And this year, the baby is here, and swimming!

We played in the water a lot.  And Nolan took off my sunglasses and hat, a lot.  We learned that he only tolerates the fancy SPF hat I got for him if it was wet- a useful revelation for the duration of the week!

And we all lounged and napped under the umbrellas.  We managed to stay relatively unscathed from the super hot North Carolina sun.  Nolan had fancy SPF suits, and the rest of us were lathered/ sprayed up with plenty.

Nolan played a lot with Gramma, who brought him special toys from Cincinnati.  They were a huge hit.

We drank morning coffee and sat in rockers on the porch with Nana.

We sat in the surf.

And I wore a long sleeve shirt because my pale skin was getting cooked.

Nolan was thrilled to eat toy boats and bury his toes in the sand.

We took afternoon breaks from the beach to read with Nana.

And we had afternoon hugs.

Nolan and I took an early evening walk on the last day.  Felt the ocean breeze,  and the salt spray one more time.

Freckly self portrait for the two of us.

Everybody sat around and marveled at the little one.

This was pretty much the scene, Nolan getting tons of attention from the grams and greats.

Till next year!

And now I hear him calling from the other room.  Mama, come save me (don't worry, Arnie is watching :).

Tomorrow I will keep going back in time and update on our trip to Iowa, and Nick's dad's birthday party, which was right before the beach.

Catching up and writing it down

April 6, 2012

Well the call of the open road is still there.  Every so often I get an urge to be somewhere out West, with our tent as temporary home, and the backdrop is a mountain at sunrise.  The time we spent traveling as a twosome was special and singular.  It will happen again, maybe when Nolan’s away at college. 

We’ve spent the past few days traveling and visiting in Cincinnati and Dubuque.  We left for Cincinnati on Saturday, enjoyed the weekend and Monday, Tuesday morning we headed back to Chicago and had a layover night at home for recharging and refueling and Wednesday we left for Dubuque.  It’s Friday and we are on the way back to Chicago for one night as just us, and then my sister moves in on Saturday.  It’s been a whirlwind time.  Nolan will have an Auntie Nanny, and Nick and I will be at work on Monday.  All of this is a lesson in flexibility.  

We had a stark return to an undesired reality as we were driving up to our apartment in Chicago.  Nick accidentally cut someone off, as there are a slew of stop signs on Roscoe Street, some 3 way stops, some 4 way stops.  He puts his hands up in the generally accepted “I’m sorry” gesture, and says it audibly as well.  On the narrow one way street, the other driver pulls up next to our car and yells repeatedly, “Watch your mouth, bitch!”  All signs point to gangbanger (stereotyping directly from his appearance and behavior); he has the tattoo tears on his face where real tears might go, and tattoos up the arms as well.  There are two or more people in the car, but I can’t say for sure.   Nick keeps saying, “I’m sorry,” and the guy and his cronies speeds off, ironically blowing through the next stop sign.  

Nolan and I were sitting in the back seat and I could feel my mother bear gearing up to protect him if I had too.  Mother bear is fierce when she’s called on.  Mothering is something that feels so natural most of the time, this instinct is amazing.  It makes me really wonder about all the tragedy that happens and how much of the behaviors around the shootings and crime essentially go against what I like to believe is the human instinct to be good and kind.  The worlds of depravity and have nots that surround crime and tragedy must be strong and magnetic enough to make null the good and kind override. 

It’s sad that there are so many neighborhoods in Chicago were this could have happened.  We are talking about a move (again) in July, apparently living across from a church and on the same street as two schools isn’t enough to avoid gang shootings and run ins with unsavory characters, and it’s feeling like the choices are so few when looking at affordability and safety.  And yet again, being away from Chicago makes us revisit thoughts of living elsewhere.  Big city living is on a continuum of extremes: the goods are great and the bads are terrible.  The in between, what makes life livable are just that, mediocre.  This is a familiar feeling, wondering if there is another city that is better for us, better for our baby.  Being a mom makes me want to give him everything that is best for him: green grass to feel under his feet, public school that I can believe in, parks without remote chances of crossfire, sidewalks safe for bicycles, and air that is good to breathe.  It was so refreshing to see a clear full moon last night, and to wake up to birdsongs and crisp, quiet air.  We go through this futile debate regularly.  Chicago has certain things that we hold incredibly dear: good friends, dance community, culture, possibility, current jobs that are needed, the lake, summers, city living, and our midwives, who I am dedicated to delivering our next baby, whenever that is.  And it has aspects that I am so tired of.  We know what they are, no need to list them.  Then there’s that alternative, elusive city.  We don’t know where we’d go if we weren’t in Chicago.  We’ve pretty much talked ourselves out of living in Dubuque or Cincinnati proper but don’t have any idea where it is that we want to be.  We’ve romanticized the unknown, but we don’t know where it is or how to bridge the polar opposites that Chicago offers.

This much is true, I want it all: barefoot children running in grass, good friends that meet me where I am, birdsongs in the morning, a home that feels safe, and dancing that feeds me artistically, physically, and intellectually.  The conversation continues, as does the present moment.  I can see Chicago in the distance, where we make our lives for now. 

April 9, 2012

And now for a dump of cuteness...

A few weeks ago Nolan had time with his baby friends.  And the Mommys got to hang out too.  I am so incredibly grateful to have friends going through the same things with me. 

Heads!

Here is a sweet moment with Daddy from when we were in Cincinnati. 

Sleeping baby in Cinci!

Gearing up for a walk in the Cincinnati sun with Mom. 

Hugs.

Smiles on the porch. 

Gramma time. 

Doing the airplane with Granpa. 

View from below. Check out the bubbles!

Snoozin'

Slightly awake...

Just pretending, definitely asleep. 

Who's a cool dude?

It was Easter Sunday, and Nolan got his toes in his mouth.  A number of times. Who needs the Easter Bunny when you've got toes?

FEET!

Aunt Julia has arrived. 

They are beautiful together. 

And smitten!