of birthdays and growth

So, this happened.  

My birthday was March 14,  I'm over 2 weeks late in posting this!

My husband is not so good at flowers, or gifts, or cards, but he does know how to make me surprise smile when I'm least expecting it.  And those are the best kinds of smiles.   My birthday was kind of surpassed by having a baby and a husband with a killer sinus infection, but the night was made special by friends Laura and Tim who babysat for us, and we had our first dinner out since Nolan was born.  Laura brought over decadent desserts that we had together after dinner and Nolan was great.  It was so nice to go out and come home to a sleeping baby, no tears.  It is possible!

This pic I am including because of the hilarious angle, gigantifying my baby.  He's not really that big, but does enjoy this laid back, in charge of everything, sitting position all the time. 

This also happened...

What you are looking at are snapped windshield wipers. What you don't see is the bent antenna and the sand that was flung at the side of the car.  An act of vandalism, the windows weren't smashed, the bag of coins that we left on the floor for tolls was still full.  This simply hampers our driving in the city, and potentially might can our weekend plans.  Of course, our car is 12 years old, so replacement wipers are hard to come by, had to be ordered, and in this age of online tracking of packages, we can tell that they haven't been shipped yet.   It's not something I'd normally consider a deal breaker, but when you really think about it, it's not smart to go very far without wipers when there's even a chance of rain.  We're supposed to be going to Cincinnati tomorrow, and Dubuque later this week; here's hoping that the forecast is clear, and that the parts get shipped!




What I've also missed in my haze of returning to work and attempting to keep this apartment livable is Nolan's 3 month photo!  He crossed over the 3 month mark on March 19, check out his growth here:
growth comparison.  He is changing every day.  The next few photos I took around March 19.

I'm so BIG! And I can grab toys now!

But my hands are still the best entertainment. 

And I've been working hard at growing multiple chins. 

There are several more chins hiding in there. 

I like deep thinking.  And I'm a mind reader...

Getting ready to talk! 

We also discovered by accident that our baby loves to look at the spines of books.  He is enthralled.

I am sure someone will say something about the IOWA book at the left, yes, Nolan was staring right at it, as if it was calling him home (you're welcome Nick). 

Such intense gazing.

Also this week, Daddy tried out the Moby wrap, and loved it.  Nolan's not so sure in this shot, but facing out seems to be his favorite way of dog walking and general hanging around these days.

All this catching up, and I haven't mentioned my week back at work.  In short, it went really well.  I left with tears in my eyes each morning, but once I had 27 kid looking up at me expectantly, I couldn't worry too much about my baby at home. Of course he was with 2 awesome people, so that made it SO much easier.  I am ever grateful. The pumping on the other hand is so difficult on a school teachers schedule.  Currently, I am pumping in the car (battery pack) to and from work, and during my 15 minute lunch break. It stinks.   More on that later, Nolan's awake!

Birthday Manifesto (with addendum)

Birthday Manifesto

Despite the tumult of the last few days/weeks/months there are some things that are moving towards clear.  These things I know to be true.

1. I am in love with dancing.  In dance, there is a truth and beauty that doesn’t happen at any other time in my life.  It’s something akin to sitting in the middle of a mountain range and looking up at the stars and feeling a warm breeze, that is how I feel when I’m dancing.  Connected to my physicality, my beauty, my mind, and emotions.  Completely full.  Completely complete. 

1. At this juncture, I don’t want to move to Alaska or New Orleans or North Carolina.  Last May, June, July, August I was fully invested in finding a teaching job anywhere.  I had the zeal of a new graduate, aching to test out my skills and I researched ad nauseam teaching opportunities in parts of the country and world that fit with my desire to be immersed in mind expanding nature and to be working in a needy community.  Today I get prospective emails from these places and I don’t get the adrenaline burn in my veins that I did a year ago.  Instead I think about the possible dance and teaching chances that I might have here, and look forward to engaging in that way. 

1. Seven months ago, I willingly, of my own volition, left Chicago with the intention to be open to the possibility of not living here.  I chose to explore, to consider, to try out other options in my head and in my body.  A lot of these alternate choices still leave me with a quick step, but not enough to warrant another departure.  

1. Chicago is not a place that I want to live when I am 70.  But Chicago is a place that I want to be now, as a new 31 year old, a bicyclist, a dancer, a teacher, a friend (and a wife :). 

1. It’s no secret that Chicago wears on the spirit but the wearing is countered with love that emanates from people here in my life, which more than compensates and is like a tethered buoy that bobs with abandon but never floats away. 

It’s true, for me each year birthdays get a little less exciting than from when I was 6 going on 7.  Maybe it’s because I’m not with my family, and I’m secretly missing the pistachio cake, a delightful boxed yellow cake made with pistachio pudding and pistachio whipped cream frosting that Mom always made for me, or because the mystery of birthdays dissipates with time.  This morning, with my hot tea and before the sun came up, I opened the patchwork package that Mom and Dad sent and in it were an assortment of little things, clearly chosen by Mom with thoughtfulness but for no particular reason.  She sent me a thick bangle polka dot bracelet, a pink clothespin with a gel decoration on one side, a fancy glass topped egg, and a sunglasses clip for our car.  It’s like a still life painting, the combination is so random, but I know the care from which it comes is huge.  I’ll take a picture when I get home.  Of course the tear inducing item was a letter, with 31 dollars, inscribed with green ink, that carries on the tradition that Grammy started.  Every year Grammy sends us dollars in the amount of our birthday, this stopped a few years ago when she started to get a little forgetful, but that part doesn’t matter.  Grammy died in May, and this year, I somewhat inadvertently sent my sister Julia $21 and a birthday card written in green ink.  I don’t know if she felt Grammy’s birthday blessing with my card, but I sure did this morning when I got the card from Mom and Dad. 


Addendum:  Sometimes I don't mention how lucky and thrilled I am to have a partner in life and love.  Nick is holding my hand and heart through adventure, upset, and joy.  He is intrinsically rooted to my whole belief system.