41 weeks

There are only so many times I can check my email, and delete the page of spammy messages.  Only so many items I can launder, times I can sweep the floor, and vacuum the throw rugs.  I've watched 5 episodes of Friday Night Lights, Nick even got sucked in last night.  Cuddling with the dog is great, but at this point I wish I had a baby in my arms!  I've exhausted the google image searches for other ladies at 41 weeks.  Thankfully there are tons of blogs that chronicle over-due babies and their birth stories, which I find incredibly comforting.  I am fine, just anxious, and can't shake the feeling that I am wasting my 12 weeks off from work.

41 weeks seems to feel a lot like 40 weeks. Mildly more uncomfortable, majorly emotionally drained!

While I am thrilled that overdue babies are sometimes big and chubby, I don't know how thrilled I am going to feel at 10 centimeters!  Thankfully, a word of wisdom from my mom came the other day.  I should preface this by saying that of my 4 siblings, my mom swears that she had no pain, just pressure when giving birth (naturally).  My friends say that this is the selective memory talking, and that birth while manageable, is not without pain.  The other day during our daily phone check in "how's it going?  any contractions?"  "I'm fine, no changes." She reminded me that contractions won't feel like pain.  Maybe this is her mothering instinct coming out and trying to protect me from the inevitable, but I know her, and she was actually being serious.  She says it feels like pressure, and waves, riding the waves in the ocean, sweeping through and moving out to sea.  Mom is peaceful, and centered, and knows herself, so I am apt to believe her, and hope that I can have a similar experience.  Perhaps just knowing that this kind of birth experience is possible is enough to enter into it in a calm and full way.

40 weeks, 4 days

Our living room smells like pine, and it's delightful.  The pumpkin candles help too, but it's the pine that really does it for me.  I'd love to have a tree, but it doesn't look like it's in the cards for this year.  We also don't have enough ornaments to fill it.  My mom still has my  "carleen" box at home, the clay bake ornaments, the photos with Santa, the beaded candy canes, and the hand stitched ornament gifts that came each year from mom's friend Alice.  I have yet to inherit my childhood ornament memorabilia.  This wreath will work for now. 

Pine wreath on our living room door makes it feel a little more holidayish. 

No news is still no news on the labor front.  Today Arnie had a vets appointment for a persistent red eye.  Our suspicions were confirmed, he is indeed a high needs dog.  His red eye comes from anxiety and possibly a hayfever allergy.  We are two peas in a pod with the allergy business.  He also is so attentive to me now, following me around and just checking to make sure whatever I am doing is legit. 

He wanted to be in the belly picture I took at 40 weeks.  He couldn't resist. 

What's going on? Do you want me to take your picture Mom?

These next few pictures are me at 40 weeks 4 days, today.   I wish I could say that I feel like it's going to happen soon, but I really don't know.  Baby is pretty comfortable in there.

This was the best I could do in the bathroom mirror!

Check out that belly.  It continues to amaze me. 

Can you believe that there is a baby squirming around in there?  The human body is something else. 

The rest of the day holds making molasses cookies and watching some online tv (I watched two episodes of  Kitchen Nightmares and it's a little too much drama for me.  I'm going to try and find Breaking Bad next, thanks for the suggestions friends!).

I'll keep you posted on the baby!

40 weeks, 3 days

We are still here, we are still pregnant.  I'm trying to get peaceful with the idea that it could still be potentially 11 more days. Yesterday I had an appointment with the midwife, and I was 1.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced.  Truthfully, I was hoping to show up and for her to say something like, "wow!  I can't believe it, you're already halfway there, you're going to have this baby today!" Alas, this did not happen, and I was mostly disappointed that I wasn't further along.  Today I had my non-stress test, which is basically where they strap you in to a fetal heartbeat monitor, and a contractions monitor and you sit for 20 minutes, watching the heart rate jump around.  They are looking for a variation of at least 20, and then the heartbeat has to stay up for a certain number of seconds.  I guess variability signals stressless environs for the babe.  We passed with flying colors, and got another proclamation that this is indeed one active baby (hence LW2 for those of you who remember).   Today was a good day because I didn't have too much idling time.  I dropped Nick off at work, went to the Oak Park Whole Foods for some labor stimulators (evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea), made it to the Post Office to mail off some thank you notes, and then got to the 9:30 appointment with time to spare so I had chai and a biscotti and read some more of an amazing new book (The Postmistress by, Sarah Blake).  Dear friend Kristina and roly poly adorable baby Gus came over with soup, salad and bread for lunch, a delicious and delightful way to spend the afternoon.   I would be in a much different anxiety boat if not for having close friends around to play the parts of listener and commiserator.   Thank you.  

Arnie on the other hand was so jumpy, and I was so nervous that he was going to scratch Gus with his long toenails (which are badly in need of a clipping) that he had to be in the guest room for most of the visit.  Thankfully he calmed down in the "time out" and was much more civilized a few hours later.   Unfortunately, he is still a dog, and he demonstrated that on our walk this late afternoon, when he chomped on a whole sandwich in a plastic bag.  He selectively knows the"drop it" command, and this time he opted out.  He literally swallowed a whole sandwich in a ziploc bag.  The whole thing.  I could not get my hand in his mouth fast enough.  You would think we were starving him!   Which we are not. But from now on, I am going to make sure that he is completely satiated on our walks because it is too maddening to see him eating garbage, despite how delectable it looks to a dog. 

Leaving the midwifes office today, she said, "hope to see you soon, and not at your next appointment!"  Me too!  I hope that's the case.  Let's go for this weekend.  Send big, peaceful, lofting, laboring thoughts for this weekend. 

Waiting game

I wonder if today will be the day of our babies birthday?

December 7 has a nice ring to it.  A lot can happen in the ensuing hours, but as of now, I am feeling nothing.  Due day was Monday, and I would love for this baby to get moving down the birth canal!  I am not extremely uncomfortable, I am experiencing the joys of late pregnancy: constant bathroom trips, heartburn that seems to come from anything at all, spurts of sleep at night, restless legs, and racing mind.   It's really not that bad.  Compared to some of my friends, I've had it pretty easy.  What I am struggling most with right now is boredom, and thinking I should be working (the pregnancy waddle and constant bathroom trips work well in 4th grade).  And, there are only so many baked goods I can make.  Monday I made Molasses Crinkles (Healy holiday favorite), 2 loaves of Cranberry Orange bread for the freezer, and a delicious loaf of Pumpkin Gingerbread.  It was satisfying, but then I couldn't be in the kitchen all night, and we were forced to order in Thai.  Yesterday, I made a Target stop after dropping Nick off at work to get more thank you notes.  My sister-in-law Maggie recommends shopping at Target to get the baby moving, it didn't work yesterday, maybe I need to be more aggressive in my walking/ shopping today.  Actually, we are completely prepared with "stuff", and we really don't need anything at all.  There's always laundry, folding laundry pretty much mimics walking the aisles at Target.

I am almost done with baby shower thank you notes, a have a good book, and a needy dog, I should be fine for today.  It's the rest of the possibly 12 more days that I am worried about!

Nice things

Nice things I have done in the past week.

Last Saturday: pink pedicure for my toes! (I officially can't reach them on my own).

Wednesday: Raiders of the Lost Ark at the Music Box, with popcorn and Nick (It's even better than the last time I saw it).

Thursday: wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with Laura and Tim, and Tim's family.

Friday: didn't get enough Thanksgiving, so I made cranberry orange bread, sage stuffing, and a from a pumpkin, pumpkin pie.

Today: prenatal massage and cooking a turkey!  I went to Whole paycheck yesterday and bought a turkey. I just want the smells of turkey cooking in the apartment, and I want the turkey soup that comes after the turkey.

5 more days of teaching, and then I'm off for 12 weeks.  And hopefully the baby will be here soon!

Any tips on novice turkey cooking?  We don't really do this very often, and will definitely be consulting the internets to help us out. 

38 week updates

Apologies in advance for the weird formatting.  I can't figure it out and I need to go to bed!

Grown-up behaviors are time consuming.  Meeting a pediatrician, finishing up dog training, getting a guest room together, being the guest of honor at a baby shower, visiting with excited grandparents and aunts to-be, washing and folding baby clothes, and trying to be a good teacher: it's busyness every night of the week. 

Tomorrow will be 38 weeks, which means, baby could come any time now.  As overwhelming as it feels to have a real live baby, I simultaneously feel ready and anxious to meet this little one who has been with me for so long now.  It's also getting just a little uncomfortable... so really any day would be fine.  Of course, I have a feeling that he or she is really cozy in there, and is probably not in any rush to come out.  I'm committed to working up until the Friday before my due date, so I have a short Thanksgiving week, and then one more week after that.  If I get extremely uncomfortable or if my co-workers convince me to take off early, then I very well might.

The other day Nick mentioned that maybe we should look into some pregnancy photos, like from a pro.  Until now I really haven't been interested in having any pictures taken.  I mostly feel huge.  After looking at some of the websites, and seeing how tastefully done maternity photos can be, I really thought I might be interested.  And then I looked at prices.  It's not the photo shoot that is costly, its the prints!  To get several prints made would easily run our bill towards $1000.  I can't rationalize it in my head.  So, I had Nick take these two pics of me to share with my friends and family from afar, and I can see now that we have to work on lighting, wardrobe, and makeup before we take the next pictures, but I think we can get some good ones for less than $1000.

38 weeks of baby belly. 

Yep, I'm really having a baby.

My dear friends Kristina and Laura (and their husbands Paul and Laura), gave us the most lovely baby shower a few weeks ago.  I was so overwhelmed by the amazing people that came.  It was sort of like our wedding, having so many of our favorite people in one place.  So much love was flowing all around! 

This is how Nick felt. 

Lovely Sarah is exactly 10 weeks behind me!  And I was 10 weeks behind Kristina.  And now, Gus is the cutest thing around.  It was so great to see this cycle of babies continue! 

Remember this? 

Kristina and I in late August at her shower. 

The babies met :)

And now, Gus is a real, live, amazing baby.  (With some awesome parents to boot.)

Life just keeps happening.   And it's miraculous. 

Some little miracles are happening in my class at school: 

We have independent reading stations, that are actually working!

We are examining mineral samples and analyzing them!

We are doing independent research on Science topics. 

We are folding cranes for our assembly on Asia on Wednesday. 

And, we can read next to each other without talking! 

It's the little successes that keep me going! 

So long for now,  I'll leave you with Arnie, trying to get his dinner out of an orange juice carton (our latest innovation in challenging his brain). 

Don't even think of taking this away from me!

growing a life and finding more empathy

I continue to feel like I need to apologize for my lackluster blog writing schedule these days, the truth is, teaching is all encompassing right now, and my tired, hormonal, physically limited body is less than apt to write at the end of a night than to eat a bowl of ice cream and go to bed early.  Those are the things I've been doing a lot of: sleeping and eating.  I guess it's supposed to go that way.

At 35 weeks and a few days along now, we are heading in the direction of having a baby soon! Babies are considered full term at 37 weeks, and could be born any time between 37, and feasibly 42 weeks.  The notion that we could be 2 weeks away from having a baby in our apartment is elicits simultaneous emotions of exciting and terrifying.  The societal pressure to have "things" a certain way has been overwhelming, to say the least.  Nick has been great about the pressure, I have caved in every way.  I feel like an unfit person to be a mother because our "nursery" is not a nursery, but a room with baby things in it.  It's such a conundrum for me because the baby will surely be in our room for the first many months (my lovely, early college graduate sister is planning on staying with us and doing childcare March-June, when I have to go back to work), and the "baby room/ nursery" will most definitely be a guest room for her at that time.  So shouldn't we just make the baby room a guest room right now?  My practical and loving husband is resistant, and wants to wait and see how everything goes.  So, at this time, it's a room with a changing table and baskets for baby clothes and things (which will go in our room as soon as the baby is born), and a table of supplies for our home birth (more on that later), and a few boxes of hand me downs from Nick's sister, which we have yet to put together.   My sewing machine sits in there as well, quietly gathering dust and adding character.   I did put up a curtain, which makes the room feel more relaxing and sweet.   That is one touch I am proud of.
This week, our goal is to find some sort of glider/ rocker that I can sit comfortably in, and rock a little baby, that will be here soon!

On a complete side note: my other life, the one that is taking up all of my time: my classroom and kids, continues to encourage all kinds of personal growth.  My ability to empathize with the unknown has shifted.  This week, a student brought a highly inappropriate magazine into the classroom, and proceeded to read it during silent reading time.   It was "Vibe,"  and on the cover was a rapper, dressed and exuding a less than role model status air.   The content was not appropriate for 4th graders.  Anyhow, the magazine, after I requested that the student put it away, somehow got passed secretly to another illustrious student, who continued to try and read it under her desk.  I wasn't angry that they were curious about this world, it just couldn't be read in our classroom under the guise of independent reading level choices.  I confiscated the magazine, and after school the student came back to the class, his sister happened to come with him, to request the magazine back.  I had a brief discussion with them, and it turns out that they got the magazine from the hospital, from the pile of free magazines in the rooms.  "Why were you at the hospital?"  Candidly, with no emotion, "My dad got shot."  Upon probing, "he and my uncle were going to buy food for us, and they both got shot.  My dad in the waist, and my uncle in the leg.  My mom is begging God and said that if my dad gets better, we will go to church from now on."  I think the student missed one day last week, but has been in school since.

The lives kids lead today is so far from the life I grew up in.  Violence is commonplace and their emotional needs are far from met.  How can learning to write a persuasive essay or find perimeter seem important to a 4th grader who is dealing with life and death on the way to the store?  What I don't know is enough to help me offer support and empathy for each child in my class, their lives are maybe more turbulent than I will ever know.